| This post contains some of the exact habit change techniques my clients and I have used to change unwanted habits and create new, healthier habits. TESTIMONIAL: TERESA AHERNE, AUCKLAND, NZ “I’ve tried everything over the years to stop smoking, and then, a month ago, Rebecca fixed my brain (well, the part that wants to smoke) in 10 minutes. I haven’t smoked since.” Also; something rather odd has happened. I have literally received spiritual guidance to offer a ‘deal’ on my habit-change coaching sessions, with an emphasis on: * Health coaching * Weight loss (Hint: excess weight is NOT your fault) * Hypnotherapy * Spirituality (of course, spirit guides would suggest I emphasize my more spiritual work – I suspect they are helping push me out of the embarrassing woo-woo closet. More on this below … I’ll mention each of these things briefly, interspersed with simple but powerful, habit change tips, and I’ll mention the coaching deals and discount codes at the very end. ‘Health coaching’ is pretty broad. I feel like everything I help clients with comes under habits of either mental or physical health. I help people with a HUGE range of habits. That’s because the strategy of habit change is the same for all habits. And I can teach you those strategies! I’ve spent 17 years studying and practicing psychology so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome. TESTIMONIAL: SABRINA GREGORIAN, WRITER, LOS ANGELES “Within a few minutes of talking with Rebecca, my puzzling, frustrating behaviors made much more sense to me. She provided me with enlightening information as well as with the tools to apply the information to my life, and with her help I’ve made some great changes. One of which I know many people struggle with… exercising. This had been a struggle of mine for years, but within a month of working with Rebecca I now exercise one hour a day, at least five days a week.. and I absolutely love it. This has impacted the quality of my life in ways I can’t put into words. I’ve also become more efficient overall – in time management and work productivity. But what I believe made all my progress possible is Rebecca’s kind, humane, empathetic approach. She taught me the importance of self-compassion and celebrating my own successes, no matter how small they might seem – and it’s this new learned attitude that has paved an expedited path for growth. And Rebecca did this all while making the process of learning enjoyable, personalized, and funny”. Cutest cat ever? Have you seen my 1-minute video of my feral puss doing her obstacle course? I’m very proud of my clever cat. I also trained her using the same behavior science techniques I taught Sabrina - which she used to get a gym habit. You can watch this gorgy wee video here. Excess weight is NOT your fault! I’ve ‘accidently’ helped quite a few people. (These happy accidents will continue, but I’m trying to be a little more deliberate about my practice, hence this newsletter!) In fact, I accidently gave Sabrina – who wrote the testimonial above - a gym habit. I only meant to use ‘developing a gym habit’ as an example of using behavior science to shape mere behaviors into fabulous habits – with effective behavior modification principles, no fallible willpower is needed! And she used the information I gave her to do just that! Something else I’ve accidently helped people with is weight loss. I consider there to be broadly two types of people with excess weight. The first type don’t need any help from me. A stern glance form their GP has them skipping the morning tea bikkies and getting a little more exercise. Problem solved. However, the other type I can help. There’s a terrible, deeply unhelpful, myth that all excess weight is caused by excess food and insufficient exercise – plus laziness. THIS IS NOT TRUE AT ALL. For starters, there’s a genetic component to weight gain. Have a look at your family to make a guess as to how many obesity genes (as there are many) you likely have. However, having a high proportion of obesity genes does not guarantee you will be overweight. It’s more of a predisposition thing. Secondly, chronic stress triggers, not only emotional eating but – insult to injury - also tends to slow the metabolism. This means our bodies get super-efficient at converting calories to fat AND super-slow to release body fat as a form of energy. People with a high proportion of obesity genes are likely to be the ones most vulnerable to chronic stress triggering emotional eating, and highly efficient calorie-to-fat conversion, and fat conservation. They also likely had the ancestors who survived the long marches and the long canoes. Back in physically harder times, people who did not take advantage of all available calories, and who were inefficient at calorie to fat conversion, and poor at retaining fat, probably did not live long enough to produce many descendants. I’m constantly amazed at how few people know this – and the prevalence of the harmful stigmatizing myth ‘fat people are lazy’. And there’s something else – something VERY important to weight gain - that most people don’t know. Most of us are unaware of the most common source of chronic stress – the type that undermines self-control, triggers emo eating and slows our metabolism. And that is our punitive self-talk. Often, we fear others saying hurtful things. However, typically, these hurtful comments pale in compassion to the terrible things we say to ourselves. So, when I accidentally helping people with weight loss, I regard the weight as a symptom – and NOT the cause – which is the chronic stress of low self-worth. That’s where the work is. In a similar way, I know people who’ve ‘successfully’ lost weight, but because they didn’t deal with the underlying psychological causes of the weight, became depressed. Plus, they felt cheated. They expected to feel happy when they lose the weight, and they didn’t. Case in point … MARCIA KAPUVAI, HANMER SPRINGS, NZ “I’ve lost 20 kgs by exercising more and eating better. It really helps remembering what Rebecca says about weight-loss: that it’s not the most important thing in life.. yes I will get skinnier but does that mean that it would make me happier? No, it will make me healthier and fitter, which will make things easier physically, but weight-loss is not the main thing that would make me happier – if that makes sense. It also helps remembering that weight-loss is more bearable if you are happier, love yourself and remember your self worth” Anyway, consider grabbing one of my psychology coaching deals if you’d like some support with weight loss – or any unwanted habit – many of which are underpinned by the chronic stress of low self-worth. Helping people overcome food and weight challenges is not just of professional interest to me. I narrowly dodged an eating disorder in my teens. These days I have a much healthier relationship with food, but can still succumb to using food to numb, and eating out of habit rather than health. The occasional lapse is no longer a big deal for me. However, many people have told me emotional eating causes major distress in their lives. Feeling out of control about our food can aggravate feeling out of control about our lives. But it doesn’t need to be that way. Emotional eating is a complex issue, but here’s a link to an article with two ridiculously simple tips that has helped people get a healthier relationship with food - and themselves. And I find when clients understand the true cause of unwanted weight and emotional eating - and it has NOTHING to do with laziness (and laziness doesn’t even exist as a psychological construct!) - that can be a big stigma and stress-releasing relief right there. Hypnotherapy Thanks to stage shows and the like, hypnotherapy seems to be widely misunderstood. However, it’s just a range of – very varied - psychology techniques. Common features include a relaxation component, and directing the mind to positive solutions, as well as uncovering the real causes of ongoing problems (which are often not what you think). The relaxation component is not essential, but I love it. It does reduce cortisol levels which improves the brain’s neuroplasticity, making therapy more effective. But I find the relaxation component is therapeutic in its own right. For example, for a stressed-out, workaholic client’s hypnotherapy session I did a guided visualization to remove creative blocks, with a beautiful relaxation before and after. The client went under deep and slowly came out of a blissful relaxation towards the end of the session. As she opened her eyes, she immediately asked me; “Is THAT what relaxation feels like!?” It was the first time in her life she had experienced deep relaxation. I gave her some simple tools so she could do that for herself on a regular basis. Aside from the relaxation component, I’ve got a few favorites hypnotherapy techniques and I’ve helped people with a range of challenges. The oddest was probably curing a woman of a mouse phobia. One of my fav techniques, having used it successfully with debilitating chronic pain, is called ‘submodalities.’ One client had a dramatic remission of 90% of pain immediately after the session (surprising both of us!) The remaining 10% faded away over the next three months. I had a very different result with the same technique for another client with chronic pain. This client didn’t notice any significant reduction in pain immediately after our session (but did have the best night’s sleep in ages that night!). But I notice, about a year later, that client no longer mentions their pain – which used to dominate their life and conversation. I also notice they now enjoy activities they used to say their pain stopped them doing. Because of the time lag for that particular client, I can’t say for sure that our hypnotherapy session caused this improvement, but it seems plausible it at least helped. Another favorite hypnotherapy technique is ‘parts therapy.’ When it comes to ‘sticky’ unwanted habits, there’s often conflict between different parts of us. This doesn’t mean split personalities. A simple example is being invited to a party on a cold winter’s night. Part of you wants to go, but part of you wants to hunker down under the duvet at home. All of our parts only want the best for us. But problems come when our different parts have different ideas about what’s best for us AND how that should be achieved. Many of us have a wounded-child part that just wants us to be safe. That part will often try and stop us from doing anything that involves uncertainty, or the risk of failure, rejection, criticism, or ridicule. Since many interesting, creative ventures do indeed risk these very things, our wounded-child may trigger anxiety, stress, procrastination (= trouble starting) and perfectionism ( = fancy procrastination = trouble finishing) as ways of stopping us from putting ourselves and our work out into the world. The trick is to remove the conflict between our parts and get them collaborating and pulling in the same direction. And that’s what parts therapy does. It’s very powerful. That’s the technique I used with Kate, below … KATE HOMMELHOFF, MT GAMBIER, AUSTRALIA “Hi Rebecca, I wanted to thank you and let you know what happened to me after our session. I have to say you were like a dog with a bone and as much as I was trying to ‘only play with the surface stuff’, you really forced me to look and go next level during our session. As uncomfortable as that was … you changed my life with that session. Within 3 months I had left the worst job of my life, left the most toxic relationship I’ve ever had and then continued to look and work deep with how and why had I let myself get into those situations. This beginning a real journey of positive self discovery and healing … My transformation has been mind blowing and our session was definitely the beginning of it all for me.” I would like to add that I was like a very gentle dog with a very precious bone. But it’s not just parts therapy. Hypnotherapy is, generally, powerful. As I try to walk the talk as a therapist, I go see other therapists as a client. Hypnotherapist Caroline Cranshaw cured me of a potentially lethal food allergy. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy prawns the way I did before the awful allergic reaction, but I have since safely (if gingerly) eaten prawns and it’s such a relief to be rid of the fear and anxiety of a similar, or worse, attack. However, if you would like to be rid of an allergic reaction, go book an appointment with Caroline at https://www.carolinecranshaw.com/ not me (plus, if you join her newsletter, you get some free hypnotherapy audios, PLUS she has probably the best online hypnotherapy school internationally!) And my more spiritual sessions … I outed myself out of the spiritual closet, with great reluctance and some prodding, a bit over a year ago. The reluctance was for a few reasons. A biggie is that I spent 10 years of my life acquiring a science PhD (four years for the PhD itself, and six for the BSc, PGDipSci, and MSc). And, although its slowly changing, mainstream science is very rejecting of spirituality, aka woo woo. Having dedicated myself to science for so long (and LOVED it, even though it almost killed me many times over!) it’s been really tough risking woo-stigma undermining my hard-won scientific credibility. Or so I thought. Since I’ve outed my woo-self, I’ve been astonished at the number and range of people who’ve confessed they are also into spirituality. Yet, for fear of woo-stigma, many of these people haven’t told their closest friends, let alone their work colleagues. And I get it. It was hard coming out. I did it less than enthusiastically. But spirituality was becoming such an important part of my personal and professional life, that not volunteering this information was tantamount to lying. And being authentic is a key personal value and, it turns out, an important spiritual value. So, aside from authenticity, what do I mean by spirituality? Well, I draw on a definition from Dr Brene Brown. She of the top ranking TED talk fame, with over 56 million views of her talk on vulnerability (vulnerability being yet another important spiritual construct). Her definition is, approximately, that spirituality is a belief that we are all inextricably connected by, if you like, a power greater than all of us. Spirituality includes some increasingly mainstream concepts; such as forgiveness and self-compassion. I’ve come to realize that science and spirituality are not only NOT incompatible, they are VERY compatible. In fact, science is helping make spirituality more acceptable to science. For example, my colleague Dr Anna Friis, ran a mindful self-compassion (MSC) intervention for people with diabetes. Compared to a control group of people with diabetes who DIDN’T have the MSC training, the people who did receive the MSC training, showed significant reductions in stress and anxiety AND significant AND large improvements in blood glucose control. Considering the growing personal and societal cost of type 2 diabetes, these are extremely important clinical findings. If you are curious - and/or you or someone you love has diabetes - you can read the article here However, I clearly understand how people might object to woo-woo spirituality. Because, up until around 2018, I was the person objecting. I was the one slowly backing away from anyone who talked about spirituality the way I do now. But, you know, stuff happened. If you are curious about some of that ‘stuff,’ you can read my pre-2018 post ‘My encounter with the clairvoyant dominatrix.’ And although I regularly include spiritual concepts such as forgiveness and self-compassion in my regular psychology coaching sessions. I do have a type of session that is hardcore-spiritual and not currently accepted by mainstream science: and that is past life regression sessions, or PLR sessions. PLR sessions are underpinned by the concept that many of our recurring problems are actually residues from past lives – and visiting these past lives can resolve these issues in the present day. There’s a lot to it – all of it fascinating, I think. If you are curious, here’s a web page where I have a lot more PLR info: what to expect from a PLR session, more detail on client experiences etc. My clients book PLR sessions for a range of reasons, and have a diverse range of experiences. However, all my clients have found them useful. One client was struggling with severe procrastination on a business project. The day after our PLR session, she just did it! She just sat down and completed the project she’d been tying herself in knots over for ages. Another client had some very vivid ‘being there’ images during the PLR. Overall she gained a lot of clarity, helping her move forward at a time of big life transition. She also organized PLR sessions for her partner and sister. Here’s her testimonial: Testimonial – WONKYUNG JESSICA LEE, VIRGINIA, USA I was drawn to [Dr Rebecca Stafford’s] statement that psychology is the study of the mind or the soul. However, mainstream psychology has stripped the soul and now the mind, leaving just the brain. I agreed wholeheartedly that neuroscience accounts for only a fraction of the human experience and a broader approach is needed to not only understand but heal the human mind or soul. I immediately signed up for a past life regression session and experienced first hand how Dr. Stafford is using these sessions to heal. Her calm demeanor and empathy accentuated what I understood to be her love for humanity. While every session is personal, I would invite everyone to partake in this experience at least once. The deal … or deals I love doing PLR sessions. They are absolutely fascinating. However, I had a policy of not discounting them due to their time and energy intensive nature (intensive for me, that is: PLR sessions are typically deeply relaxing for the client). However, I recently and literally received spiritual guidance to offer discounts on my sessions, with an emphasis on, amongst other things, spiritual sessions. So, here’s the deals 1. Deal on psychology coaching session My standard fees are $NZ 350 for a ‘standard’ 90-minute psychology coaching session. This can include hypnotherapy, parts therapy, and/or we can work on any unwanted habits. The deal is $NZ 100 off the usual fee, reducing the fee to $NZ 250. This would be great for someone who sick of struggling with unwanted habits, maybe less into the spiritual aspect OR would like to experience my more mainstream work before committing to the less-mainstream past life regression sessions. 2. Two package deals on past life regression sessions: 2a. My standard fee for a two-hour past life regression session is $NZ 400 (around $US 272 as of 17th Jan 2022). The second deal is if you book and pay for TWO PLR sessions, you get $100 off each, saving $200 in total. I just had someone contact me wanting to book two PLR sessions. One for herself and one as a gift for a friend. Initially I said, I’m sorry but I don’t discount PLR sessions. So, this discount is for her. Or for anyone who would like to get a session for themselves and a loved one (obvs check with them first – PLR is not everyone’s cup of tea) 2b. The final package deal is to get a standard 90-minute psych coaching session PLUS a past life regression session. The full regular fee for both is $NZ 750. However, the deal is $100 off each of the two sessions, giving a combined saving of $200, and a total final cost of $NZ 550. This package would be great for an individual who wants to go really deep into causes and solutions for their challenges – including, but far from limited to, breaking unwanted habits. Ideally, I’d suggest booking the 90-minute session about a week before the PLR session. This will give you time to cogitate on key issues that come up in the 90-minute session, which will really help you get the most out of your later PLR session (The two sessions don’t have to be a week apart – up to you – but definitely not on the same day) There you are! The discount codes (below) will be valid for one week, ending on Sunday 23rd January 2022 – so you have a week to think about it. Before I give you the discount coupon codes and info on booking and paying, here’s some more info to help you decide if these deals are for you: Read more testimonials from my clients What’s it like to work with me? Goss about me Click here to learn more about past life regression sessions Also, here’s some info to help you change habits more easily – you may not need to work directly with me at all! I have clients who have used these exact techniques to change unwanted habits. Wish you had more self-control and willpower? Most people do. Well, the good news is you actually have plenty! You just need to learn how to access it. In this article I bust some of the biggest myths about habit change and self -control AND explain the common way we unintentionally undermine our self-control AND how to reverse this process. Want a simple, free, clinically proven technique to boost your immunity? In this article, I describe the simple, free, quick psychology technique I most frequently prescribe to clients – and they love it! It’s well established that chronic stress impairs our immunity. Fortunately, it’s reversible! The research I discuss shows that simple ways of releasing stress can actually boost immunity. Extremely important research in the time of covid. Sick of struggling with procrastination? Worried about your kid’s academic procrastination? In this short video (‘How to get the mind-focusing effects of taking Ritalin – without taking the drug’) I explain the number one psychology tactic I used to get myself from university dropout to PhD. However, while the simple technique is great for academic procrastination – and I’ve used it to help MANY students as well as myself - it can be used for anything. Here’s a few testimonials: DARYL GOVE, AUCKLAND HYPNOTHERAPISTS “I must say I have been using [Rebecca’s procrastination-busting] technique for 2 days now and they have been my most productive in months! It has taken the focus away from what is most pressing and moved it into just getting things done.” COLLEGE STUDENT, 16 YEARS, AUCKLAND “Rebecca helped me improve my motivation and study skills when I was sitting my level 1 NCEA exams. I think what helped most was understanding I procrastinated because I was scared of failing, not because I was lazy. Rebecca also showed me how to study more effectively. My time management and concentration are much better. I’m pretty sure she helped me get a merit endorsement. It was good being less anxious around exam time too.” ‘SUE’, PART-TIME UNIVERSITY STUDENT, BUSINESS OWNER, WIFE, MOTHER, TAURANGA “A+! I’m pretty chuffed with that!!!!! I am very proud of getting more life balance along with study and getting an amazing result! Thank you Rebecca, understanding what was behind my procrastination and self-sabotaging behaviors was like turning the light on. I am now able to move forward with confidence (and less fear) knowing that I have an amazing toolkit of learnings and techniques to help keep me on track. You’re a star!” Finally, here’s the info if you decide to book and pay for sessions with me using the discounted offer. Booking session/s You can book the sessions on this Calendly link here. Please note, I currently only have Calendly set up for two-hour sessions, not the 90-minute sessions. But don’t worry, even if you are getting a 90-minute session, just book the 2-hours and let me know it’s actually 90-minutes in the notes that Calendly will email you. You can book anytime up to three months from now, although payment must be made at the time of booking. Once you’ve selected your session/s, Calendly will also automatically email you a Zoom link for the session. (If you are in NZ or OZ, and would prefer a session by phone, rather than Zoom, just get in touch Confirming & paying for sessions Please note sessions must be paid for within 24 hours to secure the booking. Go here to pay for the 90-minute psychology coaching sessions. Go here to pay for the 2-hour PLR session/s. Discount codes Use the code habit$100off to get $NZ 100 off the usual fee of $350 for a 90-min psych coaching session. Use the code plr$100off to get $NZ 100 off the usual fee of $400 for a 2-hour past life regression session. To be clear; to get the $100 of a $400 PLR session you need to book at least two sessions - either two PLR sessions or one PLR session + a regular 90-minute psych coaching session. Finally, I may never have a discount on PLR sessions again – unless of course, I receive spiritual instruction to do just that – so if you are interested, now’s your chance. I look forward to working with you Very best wishes for 2022 Rebecca Please take superb care of you - you are the only one of you we have - and we need you. Like to get in touch? You can contact me here. Share the love If you’ve found this newsletter slightly useful, mildly entertaining, or just not too annoying, please consider forwarding it to your loved ones. Has some amazing person forwarded you this email? Like to subscribe yourself? You can subscribe here. In addition to … quirky newsletters, you’ll receive a FREE download, How to get the mind-focusing effects of Ritalin without taking the drug - the top psychology strategy for beating procrastination. This is the critical psychology tool I used to get myself from university dropout to PhD & have used to help many others break the shackles of procrastination (n.b. the free download is very similar to the procrastination-busting video I link to above - BUT the subscription download has a valuable technique called the ‘dial back method’ - which I don’t mention anywhere else - which helps you set your sabretooth kitten/timer for the EXACT amount of time for optimal focus and minimal procrastination) ‘Forgiveness is an act of power: when we are preoccupied with hating people who’ve harmed us - we give away our power - when we gently evict them from the prime real estate between our ears - we stand in our power” Outlier Ltd |
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