Welcome to my new blog!

About me - the brief version

Hi, I’m Rebecca. I spent four years in the Police, and eight years as a volunteer Lifeline telephone counselor. In 2014 I graduated from the University of Auckland with a Ph.D. in Health Psychology - which is the study of the interaction between mental and physical health.

My Ph.D. involved four years playing with healthcare robots. I’ve almost recovered from the trauma.

Barely domesticated myself, I live in a gorgeous patch of New Zealand with a formerly-feral cat, a domestic wolf, and a Gorgeous Man.

About me - the longer, gossipy, version

…I’m going to tell you about how I left university at the age of 19 with a handful of C’s, a few ‘Did not completes’, and one A in psychology. However I left university with something much worse than my crappy grades - I felt like a failure.

I’ll tell you about how I returned to university at the age of 35 and overcame my underperformance and reversed my procrastination to achieve a Ph.D. to go with my First Class Honours Master’s thesis.

I’ll tell you about how I was both bullied and a bully. I’ll tell you what the sex therapist said to me on our way to a burlesque show. I’ll tell you about the horror of discovering that I’m a control freak. I’ll tell you what it’s like being in control freak recovery.

I’ll show you how to make and break habits. I’ll explain why there is no such thing as laziness. Seriously. Laziness does not exist as a legitimate psychological construct. I’ll tell you what so-called ‘laziness’ really is.

I’ll tell you about my embarrassing stuff-ups. I’ll explain how to overcome fear of criticism. I’ll show you how to failure-proof yourself. I’ll tell you about the life-altering event that happened to me at the Tantra workshop.

I’ll explain why ‘self-esteem’ is complete crap, and why unconditional self-worth is the new black (shout-out to Brené Brown). I’ll explain how, never mind the other people, forgiving others is good for you .

I’ll tell you how after an excruciatingly painful marathon of singledom, abusive relationships, and internet dating, I finally broke my heart open and was able to let in Gorgeous Man.

I’m going to tell you these personal stories for several reasons. One reason is that they illustrate psychological strategies that I have used to life-changing effect over the years on myself and others.

A second reason for telling you these stories is that I feel strongly that the key to better mental and physical health is getting over the fact that we are not perfect. And that we don’t need to be.

As humans are a profoundly social species - feeling like we are the only ones in the world with imperfections can be a profoundly distressing experience.

So, in addition to providing you with specific tactics for optimizing your mental & physical health, I hope that sharing these stories with you about my own ‘imperfections’/colossal stuff-ups/appalling life mistakes, will help you feel more accepting of your own ‘imperfections.’

I now realise that the only thing wrong with me, was that I believed there was something wrong with me.

And realizing that that made it possible to complete my Ph.D. It also enabled me to finally acquire a loving partner.

There third reason for sharing my struggles is that I know they are far from unique. Our stories are mostly the same. They only vary in the details. We are all looking for success in life, whatever that looks like to you.

So I deeply hope that sharing my personal stories, along with my clinical & academic experience, will help you realise that you are not alone.

I also hope you realise that the only thing wrong with you, is that you think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t.

Wishing you all the very best things in life. You deserve it.

Other articles:
Why I’m so scared of failure
How to failure-proof yourself #1
Why Gorgeous Man is a top-shelf lover
How to get the mind-focusing effects of Ritalin – without taking the drug
What the sex therapist said to me en route to the burlesque show
Brain orgasms! One of two things that I really didn’t expect from meditation
I wanted to assault someone – preferably a criminal

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Quality of Life: Research & Solutions Ltd.