About me – the brief version

Hi, I’m Rebecca. I spent four years in the Police, and eight years as a volunteer Lifeline telephone counselor. In 2014 I graduated from the University of Auckland with a Ph.D. in Health Psychology – the study of the interaction between mental and physical health.

I’m handy in a fight

I joined the NZ police at the ridiculously young age of 20. Even worse, I was immature for my age. I still am, but now my immaturity is more of an asset than a liability. While I had two key skills for succeeding in the police – I’m handy in a fight and can scull a jug of beer (the latter being especially impressive as I don’t like beer) – my physical courage did not extend to the paperwork.

Overall the experience fueled my passion for social justice. Despite my early years growing up in a state house, I never lacked for food, books, or a warm bed. The same cannot be said of the children of gang members and associates. I will not rest until every child who wants to go to university has the same opportunities as I did.

Saving lives. And not.

Lifeline. I couldn’t stop my uncle from taking his own life, but it eases the pain to remember the young man who said he’d decided not to kill himself because of talking to me. While I ceased working at the Lifeline crisis counseling about three years ago, joining was one of the best decisions of my life. I learned so much about myself and I miss the callers. Sadly, the organization is currently disintegrating.


My Ph.D. involved four years playing with healthcare robots. Weird, I know. Just think mobile computers packed to the gills with mental and physical healthcare devices and software.

Barely domesticated myself, I live in a gorgeous patch of New Zealand with a feral cat, domestic wolf, and Gorgeous Man

About me – the longer, gossipy, version

…I’m going to tell you about how I left university at the age of 19 with a handful of C’s, a few ‘Did not completes’, and one A in psychology. However I left university with something much worse than my crappy grades – I felt like a failure.

I’ll tell you about how I returned to university at the age of 35 and overcame my underperformance and reversed my procrastination to achieve a Ph.D. to go with my First Class Honours Master’s thesis.

I’ll tell you about how I was both bullied and a bully. I’ll tell you what the sex therapist said to me on our way to a burlesque show. I’ll tell you about the horror of discovering that I’m a control freak. I’ll tell you what it’s like being in control freak recovery

I’ll show you how to make and break habits. I’ll explain why there is no such thing as laziness. Seriously. Laziness does not exist as a legitimate psychological construct. I’ll tell you what so-called ‘laziness’ really is.

I’ll tell you about my embarrassing stuff-ups. I’ll explain how to overcome fear of criticism. I’ll show you how to failure-proof yourself. I’ll tell you about the life-altering event that happened to me at the Tantra workshop. 

I’ll explain why ‘self-esteem’ is complete crap, and why unconditional self-worth is the new black (shout-out to Brené Brown). I’ll explain how, never mind the other people, forgiving others is good for you.

I’ll tell you how after an excruciatingly painful marathon of singledom, abusive relationships, and internet dating, I finally broke my heart open and was able to let in Gorgeous Man.

We don’t need to be perfect

I’m telling you these personal stories for several reasons.

One reason is these stories illustrate psychological strategies that I have used to life-changing effect on myself and others.

A second reason is I feel strongly the key to better mental and physical health is getting over the fact that we are not perfect. And that we don’t need to be.

As humans are a profoundly social species – feeling we are alone in the world with imperfections can be a profoundly distressing experience.

So, in addition to providing you with specific tactics for optimizing your mental & physical health, I hope sharing these bountiful stories about my ‘imperfections’/colossal stuff-ups/appalling life mistakes, will help you feel more accepting of your own ‘imperfections’ and, ultimately, more accepting of yourself.

It’s about moving from; “What do people think?” to “I am enough”
– Brene Brown

I felt defective

Due to difficult family circumstances, I grew up believing there was something wrong with me. That I was defective & unlovable.

I now realise the only thing wrong with me, was I believed there was something wrong with me.

So I deeply hope that sharing my personal stories, along with my clinical & academic experience, will help you realise that you are not alone.

I also hope you realise that the only thing wrong with you, is that you think there is something wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with you. There never was. There never will be.

Nothing that can’t be fixed with a few simple psychological tools anyway.

Wishing you all the very best things in life. You deserve it.

Coming soon…The 21 day myth: Changing habits in under a week – including procrastination!

As well as my blood pressure sky rocketing whenever someone mentions it takes 21 days to change a habit, I worry about how many people are suffering unnecessary stress for lack of access to affordable, effective, easy-to-apply, and FUN, psychology tools.

I will provide these tools. In addition to the free resources on this blog, I’ll be launching my first e-book (The 21 day myth: Changing habits in under a week – including procrastination!) in early July.

The psychology tools in this book have already changed lives (for the better). In addition to the e-format enabling me to help many more people, it will also allow me to monetize the work I’ve done helping people – largely for free – for years.

In the meantime…

FREE download “How to safely use a dangerous – but powerful – psychology strategy to finish anything”  How do you think I finished my Ph.D. thesis on time? This strategy is the big gun of behavior psychology. It provides powerful motivation – but can backfire if applied incorrectly. Subscribe and download the FREE step by step instructions and start finishing!  Click here to subscribe and get the free behavior psychology strategy for finishing anything

Further reading:
Why I’m so scared of failure
How to failure-proof yourself #1
Why Gorgeous Man is a top-shelf lover
How to get the mind-focusing effects of Ritalin – without taking the drug
My encounter with the clairvoyant dominatrix – does this sort of thing ever happen to anyone else?
Brain orgasms! One of two things that I really didn’t expect from meditation
I wanted to assault someone – preferably a criminal – read this if you want to feel your mental health is superior than mine


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